AND THE WINNER ..... PADERBORN, GERMANY -
Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of  animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes.  The  plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under  200  pounds of poop.  Investigators say Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give  the ailing elephant an enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him  like  a  dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents.
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.