| RULES FOR VISITING THE VETERINARIANS OFFICE uploaded by Cathy Priddle |
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| Written by pgk | |
| Friday, 26 January 2007 | |
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("as posted to one of my dog lists this weekend...") 1. Do not make an appointment. Just walk in, because they are going to be there anyway. Demand to be seen immediately! Become irate if you have to wait for anyone who was there ahead of you. 2. Bring your children, bring your neighbors children. If you have no children, borrow some from a friend. Toddlers who have been walking for less than a year are best. If they are talking let them run around all over the hospital to ask everyone on the staff questions. 3. Place your pet on the exam table, then sit down. Please do not hold it. Emphasize that "It won't jump down!" and "It NEVER bites!" 4. If you are reading a magazine, please do not risk losing your seat by setting it down. Please keep reading. Do not look up when you are asked a question. 5. Do not remove you sunglasses, especially if you have a hearing problem. 6. If you have a concern, YELL at the receptionist, then when you see the doctor, be as sweet as possible. 7. As you leave let you un-neutered dog urinate on every stationary object until you get outside. Do not tell anyone. 8. Please tell if there is a problem, but wait at least three weeks to do so. Remember, continuos diarrhea for four weeks or more is considered "An Emergency Situation!". This is especially true at closing time on the weekends. 9. If your pet is in really bad shape, tell the doctor that you have been on vacation. If you haven't brought you pet in to the hospital in two years, always tell the doctor the problem started RIGHT after the last visit and it hasn't gone away. 10. Have your record under as many last names as possible. For your pet, have a registered name, a baptized name, and a nick name for each family member. Use a different one each time you come in for a visit. 11. When leaving your pet for boarding or any other procedures, never tell anyone in the office that you have changed your phone number since your last visit. 12. Never say anything important until the doctor put his/her stethoscope to their ears. 13. Always say, "Cost is not important! Just save my pet!", until you get the bill, then deny that you said it was OK to treat. Make a big fuss over every item even thought you are not going to pay anyway. 14. Always bring your checkbook without any checks in it or leave home without your wallet. Only carry hundred dollar bills when you do bring it, especially if you are only buying one can of food. 15. If possible, always send your pet to the clinic with your children under 18 years of age with no money or credit cards. Never tell them why they are bringing the pet in. Three Labradors (a bit naughty) uploaded by Ganimal Three Labrador retrievers - a brown, yellow and black - are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?" The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes,the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything." He then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab says, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said. The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for. I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself, I hopped on her back and started humping away." The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?" The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." |
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| Last Updated ( Friday, 26 January 2007 ) |
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